Years ago, I wrote a poem that could be read either forward or backward, one line at a time. Forward, it goes:
I'd like that:
to walk with you
through the grass,
falling twilight--
unlike
a play,
the scene begins
when
slowly, the curtain
falls
the cherry blossom:
marks
the first action.
A drama,
not meant for
to end the day.
In my garden,
a walk with you...
I'd like that.
And backwards:
I'd like that:
a walk with you,
in my garden,
to end the day.
Not meant for
a drama,
the first action
marks
the cherry blossom
falls
slowly, the curtain,
when
the scene begins
a play,
unlike
falling twilight.
Through the grass,
to walk with you:
I'd like that.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
You Know My Name
What I did not understand was the effect of, the absolute crushing honesty of, the gravity-warping unseen nature of, the devoted soul. What is essentially the atomic bomb of emotion. As it is unseen, which is unexpected, which is surprising.
When memorizing something, it helps to get as many senses as possible into the mix. Write it down while speaking it out loud. That way, you will experience the kinesthetic, visual, and auditory. Thus do I appraise the taste of people. Gustatory as well as everything else. I don't mind. When we were little babies, most things were grasped through the mouth. The mouth leads down deep into the insides of a person. A kiss is a mining expedition. But of course there is more than one way into the body.
This spring is particularly surprising-- it arrived with great suddenness. The weather was appallingly bad-- rain, wind, dour skies, at one point in even hail. But then, out of absolutely nowhere, perfect, balmy weather, the kind we're renowned for. Too sudden to even get a bead on it. Oddly enough, people are sick lately. Things can change faster than we're ready for.
There is a way of acting-- I don't know whether it's good or bad-- to operate beyond known parameters. As Jung says, no human being is a tabula rasa. Any mother knows that one infant is different from another; we have a certain inbuilt personality. So when you're operating out beyond what is known, you're forced to rely on instinct, what is there to begin with. Damn, all this time and we haven't even begun yet. Frustrating... but the beginners are the experts...
When memorizing something, it helps to get as many senses as possible into the mix. Write it down while speaking it out loud. That way, you will experience the kinesthetic, visual, and auditory. Thus do I appraise the taste of people. Gustatory as well as everything else. I don't mind. When we were little babies, most things were grasped through the mouth. The mouth leads down deep into the insides of a person. A kiss is a mining expedition. But of course there is more than one way into the body.
This spring is particularly surprising-- it arrived with great suddenness. The weather was appallingly bad-- rain, wind, dour skies, at one point in even hail. But then, out of absolutely nowhere, perfect, balmy weather, the kind we're renowned for. Too sudden to even get a bead on it. Oddly enough, people are sick lately. Things can change faster than we're ready for.
There is a way of acting-- I don't know whether it's good or bad-- to operate beyond known parameters. As Jung says, no human being is a tabula rasa. Any mother knows that one infant is different from another; we have a certain inbuilt personality. So when you're operating out beyond what is known, you're forced to rely on instinct, what is there to begin with. Damn, all this time and we haven't even begun yet. Frustrating... but the beginners are the experts...
Sunday, March 20, 2011
My Anti-Fascist Reaction: An Incomplete Document
1. Right Wing: Fascists are fervently against: Marxism, Socialism, Anarchism, Communism, Environmentalism; etc – in essence, they are against the progressive left in total, including moderate lefts (social democrats, etc). Fascism is an extreme right wing ideology, though it can be opportunistic.
I hereby declare that one of the goals of my anti-fascist reaction shall be the transcendence of political labels in favor of personal character; and that whether one's policies are "conservative" or "liberal" shall be considered of very little importance when compared to the character of the individual. That being said, the anti-fascist reaction shall abjure no political movement of the left, but instead attempt to glean understanding from them with wisdom and understanding, not allowing itself blind reaction because of labels, but assessing any political or social movement, whether on the "right" or on the "left" by the beneficence or poverty of its ideas. Progress being recognized as one of the rights of humankind, no attempts to quell innovation and improvement will be dignified.
2. Nationalism: Fascism places a very strong emphasis on patriotism and nationalism. Criticism of the nation's main ideals, especially war, is lambasted as unpatriotic at best, and treason at worst. State propaganda consistently broadcasts threats of attack, while justifying pre-emptive war. Fascism invariably seeks to instill in its people the warrior mentality-- to always be vigilant, wary of strangers and suspicious of foreigners.
The love of the land of one's ancestors, of one's place of birth, and one's fellow citizens is beyond reproach. To that end, the anti-fascist reaction will not allow it to become sullied and transformed into blind, arrogant superiority. It is my hope that the wise one will recognize that to love something is to be not oblivious to its flaws, and that diligence and attentiveness will attend upon that love. The nation of one's inhabitance will not be above careful examination, and it is the duty of all to keep it in good working order. Those expressing a grievance with it will be respected, and their complaint will be given due consideration, not meaningless punishment.
3. Hierarchy: Fascist society is ruled by a righteous leader, who is supported by an elite vanguard of capitalists. Hierarchy is prevalent throughout all aspects of society-- every street, every workplace, every school will have its local Hitler, part police-informer, part bureaucrat. The absolute power of the social hierarchy prevails over everything, and thus a totalitarian society is formed. Representative government is acceptable only if it can be controlled and regulated, direct democracy (e.g. Communism) being the greatest of all crimes. Any who oppose the social hierarchy of fascism will be imprisoned or executed.
The anti-fascist reaction believes that no person should be unduly squashed by the exercise of power. Each person shall have the right to representation where they are subordinate, and the responsibility for recognizing the same among the persons he directs. No leader, from greatest to least, shall be considered above the duties and privileges that attend upon all, and any attempt to usurp power or place oneself in a tyrannical position shall be regarded as a shame and an aberration that must be addressed immediately. The intrinsic worth of all persons is recognized, and any granted authority is given on the predication of that irrefutable knowledge.
4. Anti-equality: Fascism loathes the principles of economic equality and disdains equality between the immigrant and the citizen. Some forms of fascism extend the fight against equality into other areas: gender, sexuality, minority status or religious belief, for example.
As has been previously stated, a love of one's land and of one's countrymen is natural and good-- and from this, the anti-fascist reaction recognizes this same love in the heart of others, whether of a different country, background, society, or other sphere. An ocean between people does nothing to erase the similarities between them, and a person's skin or manner of dress will do nothing to lower them in the eyes of the true anti-fascist. Resentment and cruelty towards women being recognized as one of the scourges of history, they shall be regarded with all due respect and the kindness that is a human being's birthright. It shall not be given to others to say whom we may love, or how-- it is the love itself that shall be the focus, and if it be abundant and good, why then no harm may come of it.
5. Religion: Fascism contains a strong amount of reactionary religious beliefs, hearkening back to times when religion was strict, potent and pure. Nearly all Fascist societies are Christian, and are supported by Catholic and Protestant churches.
The anti-fascist acknowledges the authenticity of each person's spiritual quest, and their right to seek meaning wherever they choose, fearless of the hatred or censure of short-sighted demagogues. No person shall be judged inferior based on their spiritual understanding, nor shall they attempt to belittle that of others, but as with all things, the goal is a growth of knowledge and understanding. Any use of religion to oppress, inflict harm or ignorance upon others, acquire unearned authority, or justify hateful acts will be recognized as anathema to the aims of the anti-fascist.
I hereby declare that one of the goals of my anti-fascist reaction shall be the transcendence of political labels in favor of personal character; and that whether one's policies are "conservative" or "liberal" shall be considered of very little importance when compared to the character of the individual. That being said, the anti-fascist reaction shall abjure no political movement of the left, but instead attempt to glean understanding from them with wisdom and understanding, not allowing itself blind reaction because of labels, but assessing any political or social movement, whether on the "right" or on the "left" by the beneficence or poverty of its ideas. Progress being recognized as one of the rights of humankind, no attempts to quell innovation and improvement will be dignified.
2. Nationalism: Fascism places a very strong emphasis on patriotism and nationalism. Criticism of the nation's main ideals, especially war, is lambasted as unpatriotic at best, and treason at worst. State propaganda consistently broadcasts threats of attack, while justifying pre-emptive war. Fascism invariably seeks to instill in its people the warrior mentality-- to always be vigilant, wary of strangers and suspicious of foreigners.
The love of the land of one's ancestors, of one's place of birth, and one's fellow citizens is beyond reproach. To that end, the anti-fascist reaction will not allow it to become sullied and transformed into blind, arrogant superiority. It is my hope that the wise one will recognize that to love something is to be not oblivious to its flaws, and that diligence and attentiveness will attend upon that love. The nation of one's inhabitance will not be above careful examination, and it is the duty of all to keep it in good working order. Those expressing a grievance with it will be respected, and their complaint will be given due consideration, not meaningless punishment.
3. Hierarchy: Fascist society is ruled by a righteous leader, who is supported by an elite vanguard of capitalists. Hierarchy is prevalent throughout all aspects of society-- every street, every workplace, every school will have its local Hitler, part police-informer, part bureaucrat. The absolute power of the social hierarchy prevails over everything, and thus a totalitarian society is formed. Representative government is acceptable only if it can be controlled and regulated, direct democracy (e.g. Communism) being the greatest of all crimes. Any who oppose the social hierarchy of fascism will be imprisoned or executed.
The anti-fascist reaction believes that no person should be unduly squashed by the exercise of power. Each person shall have the right to representation where they are subordinate, and the responsibility for recognizing the same among the persons he directs. No leader, from greatest to least, shall be considered above the duties and privileges that attend upon all, and any attempt to usurp power or place oneself in a tyrannical position shall be regarded as a shame and an aberration that must be addressed immediately. The intrinsic worth of all persons is recognized, and any granted authority is given on the predication of that irrefutable knowledge.
4. Anti-equality: Fascism loathes the principles of economic equality and disdains equality between the immigrant and the citizen. Some forms of fascism extend the fight against equality into other areas: gender, sexuality, minority status or religious belief, for example.
As has been previously stated, a love of one's land and of one's countrymen is natural and good-- and from this, the anti-fascist reaction recognizes this same love in the heart of others, whether of a different country, background, society, or other sphere. An ocean between people does nothing to erase the similarities between them, and a person's skin or manner of dress will do nothing to lower them in the eyes of the true anti-fascist. Resentment and cruelty towards women being recognized as one of the scourges of history, they shall be regarded with all due respect and the kindness that is a human being's birthright. It shall not be given to others to say whom we may love, or how-- it is the love itself that shall be the focus, and if it be abundant and good, why then no harm may come of it.
5. Religion: Fascism contains a strong amount of reactionary religious beliefs, hearkening back to times when religion was strict, potent and pure. Nearly all Fascist societies are Christian, and are supported by Catholic and Protestant churches.
The anti-fascist acknowledges the authenticity of each person's spiritual quest, and their right to seek meaning wherever they choose, fearless of the hatred or censure of short-sighted demagogues. No person shall be judged inferior based on their spiritual understanding, nor shall they attempt to belittle that of others, but as with all things, the goal is a growth of knowledge and understanding. Any use of religion to oppress, inflict harm or ignorance upon others, acquire unearned authority, or justify hateful acts will be recognized as anathema to the aims of the anti-fascist.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Two Sides
One that comes bubbling up from the basement:
"...[T]herefore grinding your teeth in silent impotence to sink into luxurious inertia, brooding on the fact that there is no one even for you to feel vindictive against, that you have not, and perhaps never will have, an object for your spite, that it is a sleight of hand, a bit of juggling, a card-sharper's trick, that it is simply a mess, no knowing what and no knowing who, but in spite of all these uncertainties and jugglings, still there is an ache in you, and the more you do not know, the worse you ache."
(Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes From the Underground).
And one that comes drifting down from the ceiling:
(Hu Ming, The End of Colorful Clouds, 2000).
"...[T]herefore grinding your teeth in silent impotence to sink into luxurious inertia, brooding on the fact that there is no one even for you to feel vindictive against, that you have not, and perhaps never will have, an object for your spite, that it is a sleight of hand, a bit of juggling, a card-sharper's trick, that it is simply a mess, no knowing what and no knowing who, but in spite of all these uncertainties and jugglings, still there is an ache in you, and the more you do not know, the worse you ache."
(Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes From the Underground).
And one that comes drifting down from the ceiling:
(Hu Ming, The End of Colorful Clouds, 2000).
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Super-Rich
Past a certain point, I believe the paradigm shifts from "object acquisition" to "addiction", with all attendant emotional disturbances and thinking distortions. That's when people say, "Uh, don't you think you have enough?"
But that's like asking someone who's severely addicted to crack, "Uh, don't you think you have enough crack?" And they'd probably reply something along the lines of "Fuck no! What if I run out? And people might be trying to take it away from me!" The addict could be swimming in an ocean of their desire and their thoughts will run to "this could all be taken away! I need more!" The only difference is that the crack addict typically can't use crack to influence legislators to pass laws making it easier for them to procure/retain crack, whereas the very rich can, and do.
Of course, it doesn't take a Cassandra to tell you that obsessively hoarding up huge stocks of something against the animal paranoia of it being taken away will, given enough time, make it all but certain that it will be taken away. You can't keep up that type of enormous imbalance forever. Piling up more and more straw on your camel, thinking "How much I'll have when I get home! Perhaps a few loads more." Meanwhile, the poor beast's knees are beginning to buckle. Keep going. You'll have a dead camel and a useless pile of straw.
But that's like asking someone who's severely addicted to crack, "Uh, don't you think you have enough crack?" And they'd probably reply something along the lines of "Fuck no! What if I run out? And people might be trying to take it away from me!" The addict could be swimming in an ocean of their desire and their thoughts will run to "this could all be taken away! I need more!" The only difference is that the crack addict typically can't use crack to influence legislators to pass laws making it easier for them to procure/retain crack, whereas the very rich can, and do.
Of course, it doesn't take a Cassandra to tell you that obsessively hoarding up huge stocks of something against the animal paranoia of it being taken away will, given enough time, make it all but certain that it will be taken away. You can't keep up that type of enormous imbalance forever. Piling up more and more straw on your camel, thinking "How much I'll have when I get home! Perhaps a few loads more." Meanwhile, the poor beast's knees are beginning to buckle. Keep going. You'll have a dead camel and a useless pile of straw.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Repetition
A well-trodden cemetery plot
For when it's not even worth a shot
A blunt pencil and a piece of paper
A hollow eye and a tongue scraper
a bright round shot like a tracer
a necessary intervention
for a selfish intention
it's education
for my station
until I get sick
and decide to kick
I'll do it over and over
For when it's not even worth a shot
A blunt pencil and a piece of paper
A hollow eye and a tongue scraper
a bright round shot like a tracer
a necessary intervention
for a selfish intention
it's education
for my station
until I get sick
and decide to kick
I'll do it over and over
Thursday, January 27, 2011
The Empyrean
Lately I've been listening to John Frusciante's album "The Empyrean", a) because I've been reading interviews with him about the album, which makes it more interesting for me, and also b) because the loose thematic theme seems to tie in well with where I'm at.
As he puts it, the album is all about how giving up and failing ultimately help you reach higher than you would have, until you finally reach "the Empyrean", the highest point in heaven. Along the way, you descend back into madness.
The older I get, the more clearly I'm able to visualize these two states. In other words, there were times when I was in them, but I didn't know what they were. Now they come with all sorts of pictures, tastes, smells, and ideas.
The first part, to me, feels like being in the ground. Now, there's different types of earth. There's warm, rich, loamy soil-- and there's cold, sterile, ground, blasted with radiation or oozing with fetid muck. Sometimes you immerse yourself into the swamp and swim around in the brackish water with the alligators and nematodes. That's all right, it's fertile and organic.
But oh children, I have to tell you, there are places I don't know what they are. This one time I was a hollow person and all this disgusting water kept rushing through me. I was tied to a table by an insect doctor and his lipless nurse. They kept forcing sludge through me in belching waves. The most common occurrence then was when all the skin would slough off me and the only thing that was left was a huge, hollow-eyed bird skull, perched like a plague doctor. Those two black hollow circles are the most persistent symbol.
But that was a while ago. I clambered out of the metallic wastes eventually and found a safe, if unremarkable, plain where I could rest. Eventually, I decided to build a staircase out of my bones and start climbing it.
Now, I've managed, after cracking open my chest many times to pluck out more ribs to make stairs and then growing new ones, to find what I think is a new platform. My eyes are just peeking above the rim of it and I can hardly believe my eyes. I didn't really even believe that such a thing existed. It'll probably take me a while just to adjust to the knowledge of there even being such a place. (I think some people have been on that platform their entire lives, even, maybe). It's a great, white and black tower. Mathematics and clean lines help me build it and it's free from slime and spiderwebs. I've even grown to like climbing and my curiosity to see where it goes is building.
I guess what I wanted to say is: not feeling like a failure is an unbelievably liberating feeling, and I highly recommend it if you haven't tried it yet.
As he puts it, the album is all about how giving up and failing ultimately help you reach higher than you would have, until you finally reach "the Empyrean", the highest point in heaven. Along the way, you descend back into madness.
The older I get, the more clearly I'm able to visualize these two states. In other words, there were times when I was in them, but I didn't know what they were. Now they come with all sorts of pictures, tastes, smells, and ideas.
The first part, to me, feels like being in the ground. Now, there's different types of earth. There's warm, rich, loamy soil-- and there's cold, sterile, ground, blasted with radiation or oozing with fetid muck. Sometimes you immerse yourself into the swamp and swim around in the brackish water with the alligators and nematodes. That's all right, it's fertile and organic.
But oh children, I have to tell you, there are places I don't know what they are. This one time I was a hollow person and all this disgusting water kept rushing through me. I was tied to a table by an insect doctor and his lipless nurse. They kept forcing sludge through me in belching waves. The most common occurrence then was when all the skin would slough off me and the only thing that was left was a huge, hollow-eyed bird skull, perched like a plague doctor. Those two black hollow circles are the most persistent symbol.
But that was a while ago. I clambered out of the metallic wastes eventually and found a safe, if unremarkable, plain where I could rest. Eventually, I decided to build a staircase out of my bones and start climbing it.
Now, I've managed, after cracking open my chest many times to pluck out more ribs to make stairs and then growing new ones, to find what I think is a new platform. My eyes are just peeking above the rim of it and I can hardly believe my eyes. I didn't really even believe that such a thing existed. It'll probably take me a while just to adjust to the knowledge of there even being such a place. (I think some people have been on that platform their entire lives, even, maybe). It's a great, white and black tower. Mathematics and clean lines help me build it and it's free from slime and spiderwebs. I've even grown to like climbing and my curiosity to see where it goes is building.
I guess what I wanted to say is: not feeling like a failure is an unbelievably liberating feeling, and I highly recommend it if you haven't tried it yet.
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