Recently I feel like I increased my Understanding a little bit more, because it seemed clearer to me how you could get hurt by someone and enjoy it. This is not necessarily related to BDSM, but maybe it is.
I'm not explaining this very well. But I had met someone who had enacted a change in my heart that was unprecedented, which happens with all people who change my heart, because all people are different.
Anyway, the particulars of this person were that they made my heart feel like a prostitute. That's the simplest way I can put it, because it was a feeling and feelings don't really translate. But yes, I felt like my proud heart had been overthrown and reduced to the purest junkie beggary. What organ had once been the model of modest decorum became, as far as this person was concerned, the most outrageous slut imaginable.
So, from that sort of abject thrall, I could suddenly understand how you could flaunt being owned by someone, or be treated roughly by them. That person was my liege, my flag and my flower, if she wanted. (She didn't-- c'est la vie). So even if she cut off all my hair, stabbed me or bit me or deprived me, I would feel like running up to other people and, with the greatest, most genuine pride, show them my marks.
Anyway, like I say, this was all emotional, psychic information. None of it actually happened. But now I feel like I Understand a little bit more than I did before.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Summertime Detox
After a conversation with a friend yesterday, and watching some Red Hot Chili Peppers videos this morning (and some other psychological factors I won't go into here), I think it's a good time to try being really strict with myself. In other words, I'm going to try taking no psychoactive drugs whatsoever-- no caffeine, no nicotine, no THC, no alcohol, no nothin'. Also, I'll be a vegetarian while this is going on.
I haven't imposed any pressure on myself to do this for any specific length of time, but I feel like it's an important thing to try and do right now. Also I'll be trying to get as much exercise as possible.
It probably has to do with the fact that the sun has finally come out around here.
Also, I'd really love to finally try Kundalini yoga-- I found a studio that teaches it, right here in town. The only thing stopping me is cost, but maybe I can find a way to swing it. If this all works out, I think I'll be in a good place to make some psychic progress.
I haven't imposed any pressure on myself to do this for any specific length of time, but I feel like it's an important thing to try and do right now. Also I'll be trying to get as much exercise as possible.
It probably has to do with the fact that the sun has finally come out around here.
Also, I'd really love to finally try Kundalini yoga-- I found a studio that teaches it, right here in town. The only thing stopping me is cost, but maybe I can find a way to swing it. If this all works out, I think I'll be in a good place to make some psychic progress.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
The Absent One
"2. Historically, the discourse of absence is carried on by the Woman: Woman is sedentary, Man hunts, journeys; Woman is faithful (she waits), man is fickle (he sails away, he cruises). It is Woman who gives shape to absence, elaborates its fiction, for she has time to do so; she weaves and she sings; the Spinning Songs express both immobility (by the hum of the Wheel) and absence (far away, rhythms of travel, sea surges, cavalcades). It follows that in any man who utters the other's absence something feminine is declared: this man who waits and who suffers from his waiting is miraculously feminized. A man is not feminized because he is inverted but because he is in love. (Myth and utopia: the origins have belonged, the future will belong to the subjects in whom there is something feminine.)
3. Sometimes I have no difficulty enduring absence. Then I am "normal": I fall in with the way "everyone" endures the departure of a "beloved person"; I diligently obey the training by which I was very early accustomed to be separated from my mother-- which nonetheless remained, at its source, a matter of suffering (not to say hysteria). I behave as a well-weaned subject; I can feel myself, meanwhile, on other things besides the maternal breast.
This endured absence is nothing more or less than forgetfulness. I am intermittently, unfaithful. This is the condition of my survival; for if I did not forget, I should die. The lover who doesn't forget sometimes dies of excess, exhaustion, and tension of memory (like Werther)."
--Roland Barthes, "A Lover's Discourse"
3. Sometimes I have no difficulty enduring absence. Then I am "normal": I fall in with the way "everyone" endures the departure of a "beloved person"; I diligently obey the training by which I was very early accustomed to be separated from my mother-- which nonetheless remained, at its source, a matter of suffering (not to say hysteria). I behave as a well-weaned subject; I can feel myself, meanwhile, on other things besides the maternal breast.
This endured absence is nothing more or less than forgetfulness. I am intermittently, unfaithful. This is the condition of my survival; for if I did not forget, I should die. The lover who doesn't forget sometimes dies of excess, exhaustion, and tension of memory (like Werther)."
--Roland Barthes, "A Lover's Discourse"
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Attn: Investors
Hello! and thank you for your enquiry into the Bright Animal Sex Center and Pleasure Palace.
Our company was founded on the belief that everybody deserves the best sexual experience available. Our watchword is the happiness, healthiness, creativity, safety, and enthusiasm of our employees and clients. We here at the BASC&PP pride ourselves on our years of practice, innovation, professionalism, and satisfaction. What can you expect from the BASC&PP?
--VARIETY. We believe in the individual. As such, we have an unparalleled range of choices for you and we love constantly expanding our horizons! We are proud to employ men and women, as well as people of more ambiguous gender, anatomy, and genetic makeup. We here at the BASC don't much cotton to limitation. Needless to say, we cater to all major sexual orientations, and not a few minor ones as well. (Please note: due to unanimous board decision, all employees are of legal age in the state in which they are employed. This is one of our very, very few inflexible points.)
--ENTHUSIASM. What do we at the BASC look for in our employees? Quite simply, we look for people who love what they do. We pride ourselves in employing the best, no matter what their area of specialty. Elaborate fantasies? Not a problem. Something you can't bring up in polite company? We specialize in that. Like to be immersed in Jell-O while watching a Filipino lady in a gas mask masturbate? Hell, we have a check box for that. We look forward to hearing your ideas. In the extremely rare case that we are unable to find an employee to suit your needs, there is someone at one of our other branches who can, and in most cases can be at your location within 48 hours (additional fees and travel expenses may apply).
--SAFETY. We here at the BASC realize that we are dealing with an inherently biological process and as such, certain risks may apply. That is why we have a cutting-edge medical facility, which serves to screen all potential diseases, viruses, and bacteria with ruthless efficiency and speed. To reiterate, we value the health of our clients and workers above all else. Upon admission to the BASC, you will be given a comprehensive blood, lymph, saliva, cerebro-spinal fluid, bone, and complexion scan from one of our state-of-the-art NCLEX 180B machines, in ten minutes or less. We promise that this will be minimally invasive. Unless you'd like it to not be. We really cannot stress enough that we are very accommodating.
--ACCESSORIES. All of the above is really just the tip of the iceberg. We are extraordinarily well-stocked in everything necessary to ensure a memorable experience. We have a warehouse full of devices that have all been scrupulously inspected, tested, and calibrated. (Seriously, we have Japanese ones that will do everything but your taxes.) If it can be molded, formed, cast, turned on, if it wiggles, vibrates, oscillates, pulses, strobes, swings, moves, jiggles, thumps, or swivels, we've got one.
--SETTING. We are proud to be the owners of a large, spacious facility. The contemporary design and modern amenities mean no crowding or rushing. Please consult the attached map for orientation purposes. (PLEASE NOTE: due to renovations on floor 17, Ruby's clientele has been temporarily relocated to suite 1535. Until structural reinforcements are complete, you may want to bring your own handcuffs and/or hex bolts. We apologize for any inconvenience).
If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact one of our representatives. We look forward to hearing from you.
Our company was founded on the belief that everybody deserves the best sexual experience available. Our watchword is the happiness, healthiness, creativity, safety, and enthusiasm of our employees and clients. We here at the BASC&PP pride ourselves on our years of practice, innovation, professionalism, and satisfaction. What can you expect from the BASC&PP?
--VARIETY. We believe in the individual. As such, we have an unparalleled range of choices for you and we love constantly expanding our horizons! We are proud to employ men and women, as well as people of more ambiguous gender, anatomy, and genetic makeup. We here at the BASC don't much cotton to limitation. Needless to say, we cater to all major sexual orientations, and not a few minor ones as well. (Please note: due to unanimous board decision, all employees are of legal age in the state in which they are employed. This is one of our very, very few inflexible points.)
--ENTHUSIASM. What do we at the BASC look for in our employees? Quite simply, we look for people who love what they do. We pride ourselves in employing the best, no matter what their area of specialty. Elaborate fantasies? Not a problem. Something you can't bring up in polite company? We specialize in that. Like to be immersed in Jell-O while watching a Filipino lady in a gas mask masturbate? Hell, we have a check box for that. We look forward to hearing your ideas. In the extremely rare case that we are unable to find an employee to suit your needs, there is someone at one of our other branches who can, and in most cases can be at your location within 48 hours (additional fees and travel expenses may apply).
--SAFETY. We here at the BASC realize that we are dealing with an inherently biological process and as such, certain risks may apply. That is why we have a cutting-edge medical facility, which serves to screen all potential diseases, viruses, and bacteria with ruthless efficiency and speed. To reiterate, we value the health of our clients and workers above all else. Upon admission to the BASC, you will be given a comprehensive blood, lymph, saliva, cerebro-spinal fluid, bone, and complexion scan from one of our state-of-the-art NCLEX 180B machines, in ten minutes or less. We promise that this will be minimally invasive. Unless you'd like it to not be. We really cannot stress enough that we are very accommodating.
--ACCESSORIES. All of the above is really just the tip of the iceberg. We are extraordinarily well-stocked in everything necessary to ensure a memorable experience. We have a warehouse full of devices that have all been scrupulously inspected, tested, and calibrated. (Seriously, we have Japanese ones that will do everything but your taxes.) If it can be molded, formed, cast, turned on, if it wiggles, vibrates, oscillates, pulses, strobes, swings, moves, jiggles, thumps, or swivels, we've got one.
--SETTING. We are proud to be the owners of a large, spacious facility. The contemporary design and modern amenities mean no crowding or rushing. Please consult the attached map for orientation purposes. (PLEASE NOTE: due to renovations on floor 17, Ruby's clientele has been temporarily relocated to suite 1535. Until structural reinforcements are complete, you may want to bring your own handcuffs and/or hex bolts. We apologize for any inconvenience).
If you have any further questions, please feel free to contact one of our representatives. We look forward to hearing from you.
Friday, April 15, 2011
A Reversible Poem
Years ago, I wrote a poem that could be read either forward or backward, one line at a time. Forward, it goes:
I'd like that:
to walk with you
through the grass,
falling twilight--
unlike
a play,
the scene begins
when
slowly, the curtain
falls
the cherry blossom:
marks
the first action.
A drama,
not meant for
to end the day.
In my garden,
a walk with you...
I'd like that.
And backwards:
I'd like that:
a walk with you,
in my garden,
to end the day.
Not meant for
a drama,
the first action
marks
the cherry blossom
falls
slowly, the curtain,
when
the scene begins
a play,
unlike
falling twilight.
Through the grass,
to walk with you:
I'd like that.
I'd like that:
to walk with you
through the grass,
falling twilight--
unlike
a play,
the scene begins
when
slowly, the curtain
falls
the cherry blossom:
marks
the first action.
A drama,
not meant for
to end the day.
In my garden,
a walk with you...
I'd like that.
And backwards:
I'd like that:
a walk with you,
in my garden,
to end the day.
Not meant for
a drama,
the first action
marks
the cherry blossom
falls
slowly, the curtain,
when
the scene begins
a play,
unlike
falling twilight.
Through the grass,
to walk with you:
I'd like that.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
You Know My Name
What I did not understand was the effect of, the absolute crushing honesty of, the gravity-warping unseen nature of, the devoted soul. What is essentially the atomic bomb of emotion. As it is unseen, which is unexpected, which is surprising.
When memorizing something, it helps to get as many senses as possible into the mix. Write it down while speaking it out loud. That way, you will experience the kinesthetic, visual, and auditory. Thus do I appraise the taste of people. Gustatory as well as everything else. I don't mind. When we were little babies, most things were grasped through the mouth. The mouth leads down deep into the insides of a person. A kiss is a mining expedition. But of course there is more than one way into the body.
This spring is particularly surprising-- it arrived with great suddenness. The weather was appallingly bad-- rain, wind, dour skies, at one point in even hail. But then, out of absolutely nowhere, perfect, balmy weather, the kind we're renowned for. Too sudden to even get a bead on it. Oddly enough, people are sick lately. Things can change faster than we're ready for.
There is a way of acting-- I don't know whether it's good or bad-- to operate beyond known parameters. As Jung says, no human being is a tabula rasa. Any mother knows that one infant is different from another; we have a certain inbuilt personality. So when you're operating out beyond what is known, you're forced to rely on instinct, what is there to begin with. Damn, all this time and we haven't even begun yet. Frustrating... but the beginners are the experts...
When memorizing something, it helps to get as many senses as possible into the mix. Write it down while speaking it out loud. That way, you will experience the kinesthetic, visual, and auditory. Thus do I appraise the taste of people. Gustatory as well as everything else. I don't mind. When we were little babies, most things were grasped through the mouth. The mouth leads down deep into the insides of a person. A kiss is a mining expedition. But of course there is more than one way into the body.
This spring is particularly surprising-- it arrived with great suddenness. The weather was appallingly bad-- rain, wind, dour skies, at one point in even hail. But then, out of absolutely nowhere, perfect, balmy weather, the kind we're renowned for. Too sudden to even get a bead on it. Oddly enough, people are sick lately. Things can change faster than we're ready for.
There is a way of acting-- I don't know whether it's good or bad-- to operate beyond known parameters. As Jung says, no human being is a tabula rasa. Any mother knows that one infant is different from another; we have a certain inbuilt personality. So when you're operating out beyond what is known, you're forced to rely on instinct, what is there to begin with. Damn, all this time and we haven't even begun yet. Frustrating... but the beginners are the experts...
Sunday, March 20, 2011
My Anti-Fascist Reaction: An Incomplete Document
1. Right Wing: Fascists are fervently against: Marxism, Socialism, Anarchism, Communism, Environmentalism; etc – in essence, they are against the progressive left in total, including moderate lefts (social democrats, etc). Fascism is an extreme right wing ideology, though it can be opportunistic.
I hereby declare that one of the goals of my anti-fascist reaction shall be the transcendence of political labels in favor of personal character; and that whether one's policies are "conservative" or "liberal" shall be considered of very little importance when compared to the character of the individual. That being said, the anti-fascist reaction shall abjure no political movement of the left, but instead attempt to glean understanding from them with wisdom and understanding, not allowing itself blind reaction because of labels, but assessing any political or social movement, whether on the "right" or on the "left" by the beneficence or poverty of its ideas. Progress being recognized as one of the rights of humankind, no attempts to quell innovation and improvement will be dignified.
2. Nationalism: Fascism places a very strong emphasis on patriotism and nationalism. Criticism of the nation's main ideals, especially war, is lambasted as unpatriotic at best, and treason at worst. State propaganda consistently broadcasts threats of attack, while justifying pre-emptive war. Fascism invariably seeks to instill in its people the warrior mentality-- to always be vigilant, wary of strangers and suspicious of foreigners.
The love of the land of one's ancestors, of one's place of birth, and one's fellow citizens is beyond reproach. To that end, the anti-fascist reaction will not allow it to become sullied and transformed into blind, arrogant superiority. It is my hope that the wise one will recognize that to love something is to be not oblivious to its flaws, and that diligence and attentiveness will attend upon that love. The nation of one's inhabitance will not be above careful examination, and it is the duty of all to keep it in good working order. Those expressing a grievance with it will be respected, and their complaint will be given due consideration, not meaningless punishment.
3. Hierarchy: Fascist society is ruled by a righteous leader, who is supported by an elite vanguard of capitalists. Hierarchy is prevalent throughout all aspects of society-- every street, every workplace, every school will have its local Hitler, part police-informer, part bureaucrat. The absolute power of the social hierarchy prevails over everything, and thus a totalitarian society is formed. Representative government is acceptable only if it can be controlled and regulated, direct democracy (e.g. Communism) being the greatest of all crimes. Any who oppose the social hierarchy of fascism will be imprisoned or executed.
The anti-fascist reaction believes that no person should be unduly squashed by the exercise of power. Each person shall have the right to representation where they are subordinate, and the responsibility for recognizing the same among the persons he directs. No leader, from greatest to least, shall be considered above the duties and privileges that attend upon all, and any attempt to usurp power or place oneself in a tyrannical position shall be regarded as a shame and an aberration that must be addressed immediately. The intrinsic worth of all persons is recognized, and any granted authority is given on the predication of that irrefutable knowledge.
4. Anti-equality: Fascism loathes the principles of economic equality and disdains equality between the immigrant and the citizen. Some forms of fascism extend the fight against equality into other areas: gender, sexuality, minority status or religious belief, for example.
As has been previously stated, a love of one's land and of one's countrymen is natural and good-- and from this, the anti-fascist reaction recognizes this same love in the heart of others, whether of a different country, background, society, or other sphere. An ocean between people does nothing to erase the similarities between them, and a person's skin or manner of dress will do nothing to lower them in the eyes of the true anti-fascist. Resentment and cruelty towards women being recognized as one of the scourges of history, they shall be regarded with all due respect and the kindness that is a human being's birthright. It shall not be given to others to say whom we may love, or how-- it is the love itself that shall be the focus, and if it be abundant and good, why then no harm may come of it.
5. Religion: Fascism contains a strong amount of reactionary religious beliefs, hearkening back to times when religion was strict, potent and pure. Nearly all Fascist societies are Christian, and are supported by Catholic and Protestant churches.
The anti-fascist acknowledges the authenticity of each person's spiritual quest, and their right to seek meaning wherever they choose, fearless of the hatred or censure of short-sighted demagogues. No person shall be judged inferior based on their spiritual understanding, nor shall they attempt to belittle that of others, but as with all things, the goal is a growth of knowledge and understanding. Any use of religion to oppress, inflict harm or ignorance upon others, acquire unearned authority, or justify hateful acts will be recognized as anathema to the aims of the anti-fascist.
I hereby declare that one of the goals of my anti-fascist reaction shall be the transcendence of political labels in favor of personal character; and that whether one's policies are "conservative" or "liberal" shall be considered of very little importance when compared to the character of the individual. That being said, the anti-fascist reaction shall abjure no political movement of the left, but instead attempt to glean understanding from them with wisdom and understanding, not allowing itself blind reaction because of labels, but assessing any political or social movement, whether on the "right" or on the "left" by the beneficence or poverty of its ideas. Progress being recognized as one of the rights of humankind, no attempts to quell innovation and improvement will be dignified.
2. Nationalism: Fascism places a very strong emphasis on patriotism and nationalism. Criticism of the nation's main ideals, especially war, is lambasted as unpatriotic at best, and treason at worst. State propaganda consistently broadcasts threats of attack, while justifying pre-emptive war. Fascism invariably seeks to instill in its people the warrior mentality-- to always be vigilant, wary of strangers and suspicious of foreigners.
The love of the land of one's ancestors, of one's place of birth, and one's fellow citizens is beyond reproach. To that end, the anti-fascist reaction will not allow it to become sullied and transformed into blind, arrogant superiority. It is my hope that the wise one will recognize that to love something is to be not oblivious to its flaws, and that diligence and attentiveness will attend upon that love. The nation of one's inhabitance will not be above careful examination, and it is the duty of all to keep it in good working order. Those expressing a grievance with it will be respected, and their complaint will be given due consideration, not meaningless punishment.
3. Hierarchy: Fascist society is ruled by a righteous leader, who is supported by an elite vanguard of capitalists. Hierarchy is prevalent throughout all aspects of society-- every street, every workplace, every school will have its local Hitler, part police-informer, part bureaucrat. The absolute power of the social hierarchy prevails over everything, and thus a totalitarian society is formed. Representative government is acceptable only if it can be controlled and regulated, direct democracy (e.g. Communism) being the greatest of all crimes. Any who oppose the social hierarchy of fascism will be imprisoned or executed.
The anti-fascist reaction believes that no person should be unduly squashed by the exercise of power. Each person shall have the right to representation where they are subordinate, and the responsibility for recognizing the same among the persons he directs. No leader, from greatest to least, shall be considered above the duties and privileges that attend upon all, and any attempt to usurp power or place oneself in a tyrannical position shall be regarded as a shame and an aberration that must be addressed immediately. The intrinsic worth of all persons is recognized, and any granted authority is given on the predication of that irrefutable knowledge.
4. Anti-equality: Fascism loathes the principles of economic equality and disdains equality between the immigrant and the citizen. Some forms of fascism extend the fight against equality into other areas: gender, sexuality, minority status or religious belief, for example.
As has been previously stated, a love of one's land and of one's countrymen is natural and good-- and from this, the anti-fascist reaction recognizes this same love in the heart of others, whether of a different country, background, society, or other sphere. An ocean between people does nothing to erase the similarities between them, and a person's skin or manner of dress will do nothing to lower them in the eyes of the true anti-fascist. Resentment and cruelty towards women being recognized as one of the scourges of history, they shall be regarded with all due respect and the kindness that is a human being's birthright. It shall not be given to others to say whom we may love, or how-- it is the love itself that shall be the focus, and if it be abundant and good, why then no harm may come of it.
5. Religion: Fascism contains a strong amount of reactionary religious beliefs, hearkening back to times when religion was strict, potent and pure. Nearly all Fascist societies are Christian, and are supported by Catholic and Protestant churches.
The anti-fascist acknowledges the authenticity of each person's spiritual quest, and their right to seek meaning wherever they choose, fearless of the hatred or censure of short-sighted demagogues. No person shall be judged inferior based on their spiritual understanding, nor shall they attempt to belittle that of others, but as with all things, the goal is a growth of knowledge and understanding. Any use of religion to oppress, inflict harm or ignorance upon others, acquire unearned authority, or justify hateful acts will be recognized as anathema to the aims of the anti-fascist.
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