Sunday, December 26, 2010

One Solar System's Opinion

Recently I had the pleasure of having my natal chart worked out and given to me. I've found it quite interesting, going over the details. Sun in Scorpio: well, I knew that one already. Secretive, passionate, reserved, jealous, brooding, etc etc.

Sagittarius ascending. This is interesting. I think this may have had something to do with my Great Epiphany, which occurred on my 25th birthday. The general idea is that Sagittarius, the sign of travel and enthusiasm and rushing about, lends a certain kick in the ass to Scorpio, which I think up until that point had left me marinating in general dissolution. Sagittarius (being a masculine) sign adds a certain vim as well, which had also been lacking. There arises a new-found appreciation for exercise and physical activity.

Plus it explains my general willingness to travel on the spur of the moment. I'm always dropping things to go rushing off somewheres else, if I think it'll be interesting, or necessary to do so.

I like the feminine/masculine, Scorpio/Sagittarius contrast. In my younger days I was more inclined to wear eye shadow, or dress up in my female friend's fashions. Then after a while it switched to polo shirts, stubble, jeans with a belt. I realized I felt out of touch with the masculine aspect of things, so why not check it out? A better balance.

Mercury in Scorpio: if I can't figure something out, it is un-figure-out-able. Sun and Mercury both in Scorpio means that there is no one more keen to get to the bottom of things, figure out mysteries, seek, infer, determine, deduce. Very good for the medical field (bodes well for my future career). Is crafty, ironic, sarcastic, enjoys argument and debate. All true enough.

Moon in Capricorn, Moon square Pluto. Hoo boy. This is a little tough. The moon represents the emotions, and Capricorn is the sign of control and reserve-- in other words, things don't get out too easily. Moon square Pluto lends a kind of fiendish, excessive edge to the already turbulent Scorpio emotions. Basically it all adds up to the irresistible force meeting the immovable object. Plus Mars in Capricorn means that problems, issues, threats will be dealt with by means of restraint and self-discipline. What I'm getting is the sense of "warning: contents under pressure". It makes me think of when I was a kid, screaming and sobbing and hitting my legs really hard because I couldn't get past a Super Mario level. And then growing up, learning certain emotional methods for sublimating, processing, diverting, dissipating. Makes sense.

There's more but that's enough for now. Interesting stuff-- but as with most highly personal stuff, it may only be interesting to the subject themselves...

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Foes

I got so damn used to being attacked all the time that I had to relearn how to be friends with things.

It's why it's a relief to have external enemies, sometimes. The internal attacks are necessarily calibrated to your weakest points, and they gnaw into them relentlessly. Enemies can at least be strategized, or, if all else fails, run away from. Running away from yourself, though, never works-- not really.

It's the natural progression of learning. "Nothing is X." And then you are introduced to X. "Holy cow, all things are X!" But in my case I realized, and perpetually am realizing, that some things really are as kind as they seem to be. I had figured that the sweeter the honey, the sharper the sting. "This is so beautiful-- that can only mean that it hides a lethal trap. Anything this good must be secretly sour." But now I think this is not always so. Ultimately, you arrive at "Some things are X."

My little cousin had a lot to do with changing my mind. Children are not really possessed of guile, aren't really interested in disguising their motives. So when she clutches at my hand and babbles happily at me, I think, "She isn't lying, you know. She's recognizing something very good in you. It really is this simple." And thus to follow that string, it ought to be that other people feel the same way.

That there is nothing demanded by things being a certain way, that they are allowed to honestly be, and that no one is lying, and that there are no knives underneath the smiles.