I would like to talk to you about schizophrenia, as it is a subject that has been somewhat on my mind lately. I find myself feeling a deep sympathy for the plight of the schizophrenic-- but I must also confess that I feel the faintest tang of envy, or at least curiosity, for those who experience the world in such an intense way. I know that to experience the world as they do would ultimately be quite exhausting, and ravaging on the soul in ways I can't even imagine, but I would like-- if only for a brief time-- to see what they see, think how they think. Not only out of pure curiosity, but also out of a desire to help them by better understanding their affliction. Recently on television I saw the story of a young girl named January, who was a brilliant child (a tested IQ of 140 at age FIVE) but who was possessed of a terrible case of schizophrenia. My heart broke for her, and for her parents. They seemed horribly besieged by the difficulties of not only raising a child, but raising a child with such a florid mental disease. She saw imaginary figures, animals, and was compelled to strange thoughts and actions by her blazing mental landscapes. Her parents said that the only way that they could get any peace (the child barely slept) was by overstimulating her as much as humanly possible. Even at a very young age, she was captivated by noises, sights, sounds, crowds-- perhaps her over-active brain could only comfortably relate to such chaos. She seemed charming, intelligent, beautiful, but plugged into a staggering mental fire that was quite beyond most people. In fact several schizophrenics, from what I can tell, seem to be afflicted by an excess of energy, of spiritual combustion, of a fused switch in the brain setting all the dials to "11". The drawings of Louis Wain, if they do indeed depict what the world might look like to someone with schizophrenia, describe to me a life in which every single thing is ravingly intense, too much for the human organism to handle. As I've said, this fills me with sorrow and a desire to understand (if I am able), and a deep sense of respect for the capacities of the human organism. If we are capable of producing such a welter of painful energy, might we be able to harness it in some way? Use the capacity of the brain to imbue the world with such vividness? Can we honor the schizophrenic by letting them point us to what we are capable of? Of course it goes without saying that it is our duty, as human beings, to try and ameliorate their suffering as much as possible. But in some way, on some level, I feel like we might be able to transcend this horrible disorder, meet it, learn from it, and perhaps integrate it into the human condition and ease its painful sting.
Wow. Clozaril at such a young age! January's parents sound pretty amazing.
ReplyDeletePeople who get undergrad degrees with psychology majors learn all about textbook definitions of various mental illnesses, but rarely get to glimpse into those illnesses. I think everyone should have to try getting through one day wearing headphones with voices screaming at them. Try cleaning your home, making a meal, taking a nap, driving to work, etc with that sort of sensation. Maybe then I won't have to hear people say that people with schizophrenia don't work because they're lazy or that they act out because they are just moody or mean.
It's ridiculous that I was able to get a job working with this population, and I never had a class or job training on what it feels like to have schizophrenia. Sometimes I feel like it is so unfair to these individuals to have to take skills training from someone who can never truly understand their point of view.