Scorpio Tactics

There's something rewarding about being perceived as some kind of a threat. I had a conversation with a friend about a third party, someone I have an ever-so-faintly acrimonious relationship with. My friend said, "If you wanted to, you could make them your friend."

I thought about it, and realized: that's absolutely true. But I also realized: I don't want to.

Whether it speaks to some flaw in my character, I don't know. But there's something I find very pleasing about having enemies. It made me stop and think when I realized this about myself, because I spout a lot of hoo-ha at this point in my life about love and spiritual growth and so on. "Am I some kind of hypocrite?" I asked myself. But my tentative conclusion is no-- there's just some part of me that needs someone to growl at. I admire my friend's crystalline spirit greatly-- I believe she is someone who would make friends with every single person on the planet, if she could. But I am not of a similar function.

Think about music. Whenever you put two notes together, there's a quality to their interaction. If the notes are in unison, major thirds, perfect fifths, or octaves, then they are "consonant". Anything else, and they're "dissonant". Now, try and imagine how utterly boring and restrictive music would be if you could only ever use consonance. No dissonance, no tension, and nothing moves.

Trying to be friends with everybody, to me, is like trying to write music with no minor chords, no dissonance, and no dynamism whatsoever. Going back to one of my original posts, what if the entire universe were crammed full of stars, no blackness between them? It wouldn't work.

That being said, I think it's crucial to respect one's enemies, or at least the role they are playing. We enjoy being with people we like, because in some way, that We Are. We dislike some people, because that We Are Not. (Or so we think). Everything knows intuitively what its antithesis is. Everything knows, on some level, what could destroy it, given intensity enough and time. So what you hate and fear, the things that can destroy you, are your flip side. And I'm not really talking about sharks or axe murders or falling off a building or whatever. I'm talking about the things that would eat you up from the taproot. (There always are such things-- there have to be).

I've strayed somewhat from my original point, but it's taken me to the other thing that's been on my mind: seduction. I was thinking: imagine some sort of mansion, where every room was crammed to the rafters with some delight. Rooms full of chocolates, cocaine, naked women, bottles of wine, books, jewelry, incense, everything from the gross to the subtle. Now, turn anyone loose inside this mansion, and there will be something they'll choose first of all. It doesn't matter what it is. (Some people experience transports of bliss playing with a yo-yo, I'm sure of it). Even if you sit down and try to choose nothing. Whatever takes your fancy first of all, that thing is imbued with a quality of seduction. And I think-- I could be wrong-- that whatever seduces you is the very thing that can harm you. If you desire it a lot, it can destroy you a lot. If you want it a little, it can destroy you a little. But you only want it because it's a part of you.

And now we're veering perilously close to Livejournal territory (LOVE = PAIN, fuck you mom and dad, you won't let me go see Rise Against this Saturday)-- so I'll knock it off with the hyperbole. But that's what I've been thinking about.